It's always been said that "One of the greatest teachers in life is LIFE ITSELF." In life and in parenting i have found this to be true. Life experience and experiencing life is such a wonderful teaching tool for us as parents and for children.
I have always wanted my kids to stay little as long as possible. We have really tried to maximize the time we have together with the kids and as a family unit. We have seen and experienced that natural consequences are one of the best teachers, whether they are experiencing consequences that are pleasant or one's that are not so pleasant, none-the-less they are better remembered. When teaching about hot water or the hot stove we actually let our children experiment with 'hot'. We did not burn them or just watch them burn themselves. We would say this or that was hot and allow them to get close enough to feel the warmth until they realized it was something that could hurt them. We have tried to teach responsibility for things like playing with fire and fireworks, sports and academics, doing this from a very young age. Most of us desire to keep the ones we love from pain, discouragement, loss or disappointment. However, we have found that trying to control so many things and the outcome shelters them from life and real life life experiences. That' s not always easy when you don't want them to untie the strings that connect your heart to theirs as is does when our children are so small and impressionable. However, allowing them to experience some pain, discomfort, loss of pets or people and the joy of success and the agony of defeat are wonderful teachers. Trying to protect them and not communicating together through these issues hinders the maturity and the lessons life is supposed to teach. Often times the experience itself is the disciple for difficult things and in many cases we don't need to exasperate the issue by implementing our own standard of disciple or punishment on top of the life lesson. At times our silences is what is most necessary. My husband is great at this. I always want to make sure they have learned the lesson, often with too much explanation. Yet i see the wisdom in keeping silent.
I pray for you as you continue on your parenting journey. A journey that is never done. A journey that is so worth every inch of effort or inconvenience it affords. Keep persevering and doing the best you can, God smiles at all your efforts to raise your children in a pleasing way.
Happy Parenting!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Mom's Moment #2- Orientation
Having eyes to see is only some of the picture. I read in a book one time to pray for the orientation of each child's heart. This has really stuck with me over the years. You know we have a lot of influence over our children as they grow but we won't be able to fully control them or direct their hearts. That is God's job and a work they will have to work out in and of themselves. I do think it is very significant though to pray for the orientation of their hearts, that they would be driven in the "right" directions and be steered clear of "fatal" things. I always have prayed that their hearts would be oriented toward Christ. i have prayed that my children would desire the things that He desires. As we are about to celebrate the baptism of our second son I am so proud to see this fruit of some of our prayers and influence.
Shepherding our children's hearts is not easy work. Taking the time to discover where there heart is or where there heart was, when making this or that decision takes time. A lot of time sometimes. We are having to learn, especially as our children are growing older that just cut and dry punishment is sometime futile if we don't get to the "heart of the matter" as they say. The big "why" questions. What were they thinking at the moment they did that or said that? Were they thinking of others when they did that and said that? Did they consider how that was going to effect others when they acted that way? Was that showing love or selfishness? Were they putting others first or themselves first in that? And one of the biggest questions in our household is.....was that a compassionate response in that situation? All of these questions get somewhere. Even if you think you aren't getting through these questions can make the child think deeper than just reactions and responses. It cuts to the heart.
I hope that as we grow in parenting we will remember that these are little hearts we are shepherding not just little people under our control.
Happy Parenting!
Myra
Shepherding our children's hearts is not easy work. Taking the time to discover where there heart is or where there heart was, when making this or that decision takes time. A lot of time sometimes. We are having to learn, especially as our children are growing older that just cut and dry punishment is sometime futile if we don't get to the "heart of the matter" as they say. The big "why" questions. What were they thinking at the moment they did that or said that? Were they thinking of others when they did that and said that? Did they consider how that was going to effect others when they acted that way? Was that showing love or selfishness? Were they putting others first or themselves first in that? And one of the biggest questions in our household is.....was that a compassionate response in that situation? All of these questions get somewhere. Even if you think you aren't getting through these questions can make the child think deeper than just reactions and responses. It cuts to the heart.
I hope that as we grow in parenting we will remember that these are little hearts we are shepherding not just little people under our control.
Happy Parenting!
Myra
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Mom Moments
Being a mom definitely has it's advantages. Beginning with the incredible experience only women can share of birthing a baby. What a miracle and life changing situation. There is also the advantage of the love between mother and child, the intimacy that is immediately brought to life at conception. The growing bond as your child grows in your womb and begins to move around inside you.
However, if all of us Mom's are honest, being a mom also had it's disadvantages and times of inconveniences. The pains of pregnancy and birth and learning to nurse your child. The raging hormones through 9 months and the months after as your body begins to recover. The sleepless nights and mood changes that come from not sleeping, hormones and the experience and pressure being a mom adds to your life. These are just a few of the disadvantages of birthing a child not considering any complications you might have. Add those in and the stress and emotional toll children have on your body, mind and spirit can be overwhelming.
With my six children each experience has been different and has had it's different advantages and disadvantages. However, i wouldn't exchange any of it for anything in the world. It has shaped me, grown me and given me life experience that only it can produce in our lives. Experiences teaches us. Whether for the good, bad or ugly.
From the beginning some things I discovered that made having six children possible are numerous. Perseverance being one. Persevering through pregnancy, especially at those times when having another child was definitely not in our deck of cards. Perseverance through nursing when it was so painful for months that it would make your toes curl up at latch on. Perseverance through the pain of not being able to nurse a child. Perseverance through the raging hormonal processes. Perseverance through the sleepless nights, the endless crying, the constant feedings, the uneasiness and uncertain of Motherhood at first with each new child and the challenges Motherhood brings. We aren't instantly experienced Mothers, it's a process, an ever changing journey.
The fed-wake -sleep cycle. For those of you out there just beginning, this strategy has saved my life and sanity! Beginning around 10 weeks or shortly after once the baby is beginning to stay awake for shorts amounts of time, i chose a schedule over demand feeding. I would feed my infant every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, wake the baby up after the feeding by changing the diaper, giving a bath, talking to the baby or whatever works to arouse your child out of sleep. Then keep the baby awake for 15-20 minutes or as long as possible and then put the baby down for a nap, to sleep until the next feeding. Waking your baby if she/he sleeps past the 3 hour mark. This cycle established sleep and feeding rhythms that the infant then begins to grow into. This has helped me so much! This has ensured that by 12-18 weeks my babies have slept through the night and been great sleepers and nappers. I would really have lost my sanity if this cycle was not taught to me from the very beginning. Sleep deprivation is a very dangerous thing. It's pretty amazing what your body does without appropriate amounts of sleep.
Child centered parenting is also a trap i did not want to fall into. I wanted to maintain a healthy relationship with my spouse and my children. I wanted my priorities to be in line. I didn't want our children to dictate my every move and decision making abilities. I wanted as a mom and my husband as a dad to call the shots while still maintaining a bent ear to my children and what they had to say. We try to always consider what the children say they need or want but at the same time it can be very dangerous to allow the child/or children to be in control and at the center of all things. This can destroy a marriage over time.
A listening ear is so important as well in the growing relationship between husband and wife and children and parents. Everyone of us wants and needs to be heard.
As difficult as parenthood is the pros most definitely out way the cons. It's an experience unparalleled in this life. It's a miracle in and of itself to grow and birth a child. However, we need tools. Tools to do the job, tools to refine us as parents. I would like to spend some time in my next few posts to share the tools that have helped me as a mom and women in this day and time. I would love to hear back from you moms and dads regarding what has had the greatest impact on you as a parent. What stands out to you that has helped make a difference in your parenting for the better. What question might you have? There is always so much we can learn from each other.
Happy Parenting!
Myra
However, if all of us Mom's are honest, being a mom also had it's disadvantages and times of inconveniences. The pains of pregnancy and birth and learning to nurse your child. The raging hormones through 9 months and the months after as your body begins to recover. The sleepless nights and mood changes that come from not sleeping, hormones and the experience and pressure being a mom adds to your life. These are just a few of the disadvantages of birthing a child not considering any complications you might have. Add those in and the stress and emotional toll children have on your body, mind and spirit can be overwhelming.
With my six children each experience has been different and has had it's different advantages and disadvantages. However, i wouldn't exchange any of it for anything in the world. It has shaped me, grown me and given me life experience that only it can produce in our lives. Experiences teaches us. Whether for the good, bad or ugly.
From the beginning some things I discovered that made having six children possible are numerous. Perseverance being one. Persevering through pregnancy, especially at those times when having another child was definitely not in our deck of cards. Perseverance through nursing when it was so painful for months that it would make your toes curl up at latch on. Perseverance through the pain of not being able to nurse a child. Perseverance through the raging hormonal processes. Perseverance through the sleepless nights, the endless crying, the constant feedings, the uneasiness and uncertain of Motherhood at first with each new child and the challenges Motherhood brings. We aren't instantly experienced Mothers, it's a process, an ever changing journey.
The fed-wake -sleep cycle. For those of you out there just beginning, this strategy has saved my life and sanity! Beginning around 10 weeks or shortly after once the baby is beginning to stay awake for shorts amounts of time, i chose a schedule over demand feeding. I would feed my infant every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, wake the baby up after the feeding by changing the diaper, giving a bath, talking to the baby or whatever works to arouse your child out of sleep. Then keep the baby awake for 15-20 minutes or as long as possible and then put the baby down for a nap, to sleep until the next feeding. Waking your baby if she/he sleeps past the 3 hour mark. This cycle established sleep and feeding rhythms that the infant then begins to grow into. This has helped me so much! This has ensured that by 12-18 weeks my babies have slept through the night and been great sleepers and nappers. I would really have lost my sanity if this cycle was not taught to me from the very beginning. Sleep deprivation is a very dangerous thing. It's pretty amazing what your body does without appropriate amounts of sleep.
Child centered parenting is also a trap i did not want to fall into. I wanted to maintain a healthy relationship with my spouse and my children. I wanted my priorities to be in line. I didn't want our children to dictate my every move and decision making abilities. I wanted as a mom and my husband as a dad to call the shots while still maintaining a bent ear to my children and what they had to say. We try to always consider what the children say they need or want but at the same time it can be very dangerous to allow the child/or children to be in control and at the center of all things. This can destroy a marriage over time.
A listening ear is so important as well in the growing relationship between husband and wife and children and parents. Everyone of us wants and needs to be heard.
As difficult as parenthood is the pros most definitely out way the cons. It's an experience unparalleled in this life. It's a miracle in and of itself to grow and birth a child. However, we need tools. Tools to do the job, tools to refine us as parents. I would like to spend some time in my next few posts to share the tools that have helped me as a mom and women in this day and time. I would love to hear back from you moms and dads regarding what has had the greatest impact on you as a parent. What stands out to you that has helped make a difference in your parenting for the better. What question might you have? There is always so much we can learn from each other.
Happy Parenting!
Myra
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Sign up for our Emails 
